


Learning the hard way

by Sigma913



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Byleth is hard to kill, Comedy, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route Spoilers, Hubert hates Byleth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 10:17:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20704331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sigma913/pseuds/Sigma913
Summary: Hubert promised Byleth if he ever becomes a problem for Edelgard, he would be eliminated.In hindsight he probably should've expected killing a legendary mercenary with divine powers being a bit harder than some stuck up nobles.





	Learning the hard way

It was a beautiful day at the Garreg Mach monastery, the Sun shone brightly, and the students were happily walking to class, full of energy for another day of training and improving. Byleth, the newest professor shared that sentiment, as he made his way to the Black Eagles Classroom, arriving earlier to set everything up for class.  
As he entered the empty classroom, he glanced at his desk, the chair, pushed away from it a bit, making it convenient for him, as he could just sit in it without needing to remove it from the desk himself.  
  
Too convenient the teacher thought, as he grabbed a notebook and threw on top of the chair, keeping a safe distance.

As the roof collapsed into the chair, Byleth kept watching, not really surprised anymore, as these were routine by now.

‘’Alright, so, the chair seems to have some sort of mechanism, or a spell maybe? That informed him of any weight shift on it, so he could collapse the roof once it warned him.’’ He mused, walking around and checking it.

‘’I doubt it’s a mechanism, he’d have no way of knowing it,’’ said the girl in his head, which he also grew accustomed to —Really, in hindsight, he probably was going crazy, considering what he already accepted as normal— making him look up, to the culprit of said roof collapsing, who had just peeked his head to see if his attempt on his life had worked

‘’Hey Hubert is this chair alerting you of any shifts in weight through a mechanism or a spell?’’

‘’What in the- Oh, curses! You saw through my plan?!’’

‘’Yeah, same time tomorrow?’’ He asked, already taking another table to sit — Hubert’s just to spite him— and beginning to grade the assignments

‘’N-No! I shall strike when you least expect!’’

‘’Don’t be late for class. And by the way you owe me a new notebook’’ He said, already tuning the student out.

/-/

Lunch was a great time to interact with his students, help them see him beyond just a strict teacher who’s out for their blood. It was good to increase trust, after all, in the battlefield they’d have to trust his command instead of questioning it. It also helped that he never had much social interaction in his life, being a mercenary and all, so to spend time chatting away with teenagers worried about simple small stuff was pretty novel to him. However, it also gave him the perfect excuse to avoid his plate of food until he could find a way of checking if Hubert staring at him was just his usual self or actually waiting for something to happen.

As Edelgard, next in line to become Emperor of the Adrestian Empire, and in a sense the source of his problems with Hubert, sat down next to him, joining the joyful chat, he had an idea.

‘’Hey, Edelgard, is it me or did they overdid on the salt in this?’’ He said, grabbing some of the food with a spoon and lifting it to her face so she could taste it for him.

‘’Oh, let me check.’’ She kindly responded, picking the spoon from his hand— after all, the soon to be Emperor being spoon feed by her professor would lead to the rumor mill going crazy— and led it to her mouth.

Byleth couldn’t help the satisfied smile as Hubert screamed a horrified ‘’NO’’ at the top of his lungs, jumped INTO the lunch table, stepping on Dorothea’s salad, tripping on Caspar’s steak and falling face first into Bernie’s dessert, but still managing to violently slap the spoon off Edelgard’s hand in a panic.

‘’Hah, knew it!’’

‘’YOU BASTARD!’’

/-/

Bernadetta had just escaped from the kitchen, grabbing enough food to spend a week in her room, in blissful solitude. She didn’t run but her steps were fast, as she wished no one would stop to —she shuddered— talk to her.

However, as much as her desperation to get to her safe haven built up, the sheer oddity of the scene she passed by made her stop.  
She turned around to see her classroom’s professor, Byleth, carefully using his legendary blade, the Sword of the Creator, to clumsily open his room’s door from a distance, while remaining glued to the wall next to it.

‘’P-Professor? What are you d-doing?!’’

Her professor didn’t look away, however he did sigh, making her aware he did listen to her confusion and understood how it looked. ‘’This is my life now, Bernie, I hate it just as much.’’ He says as he finally manages to get the damn doorknob open —for all the talk about being strong enough to cut a mountain, this sword sucks at opening doors— and remains on the wall as the door slowly opens and several arrows fly from the inside of the room, hitting the nearest wall.

‘’Alright, make your bet, Bernie, arrow dispensing mechanism or hidden sniper? One gold bullion on it being a hidden sniper what do y-OH CRAP BERNIE‘’  
He turns around and sees his student on the ground. Several arrows around her, stabbing the wall she was next to. He rushes to her, checking for any wounds, but finds out she just passed out from shock.

‘’Well, guess I’ll have to carry you to your room. At least I don’t have to worry about any snipers THERE.’’ He stopped to look around ‘’I hope.’’  
He lifted Bernie on his shoulder, partly because bridal carrying would once again make the rumor mill jump at his throat, and also because he needed another hand to carry all the food she was smuggling into her room.

‘’I bet it was a mechanism.’’ the girl in his head said as they took his student to her room.

‘’You don’t even have money.’’

/-/

He walked around the monastery looking for his shield — ironic, after all the time poking fun at the students, now HE had a lost item, maybe someone would bring it to him, along with twenty different items that weren’t his—he asked around, and was helpfully informed by Caspar that it was seen at the Training Grounds.  
Making his way there, he noticed it, just randomly thrown into the ground, surrounded by nothing. Byleth thought about it for a second, and apparently it was long enough for Ferdinand, who was training there, to ask him about it.

‘’Something wrong, professor?’’ his proud student asked.

‘’Ah, Ferdinand, perfect timing, you see, I dropped my shield there, but my back is killing me from all the training, could you pick it up for me?’’

‘’Ah, fear not, my esteemed teacher, as it is the work of a noble to help those in need!’’ the student joyously responded, proudly making his way to the shield while never losing his big goofy smile.

That is, until a Thunder spell struck him the second he got close to the shield, making him drop instantly, his clothes and some skin charred. Also his hair seemed like it was on fire.  
Hubert walked out from the shadows, grinning like a loon ‘’Ah dear goddess, apologies my teacher, you see, I was training some spells and didn’t see you… There…’’ His grin slowly died as he realized the person fried on the ground wasn’t Byleth, who walked past him to grab his shield.

‘’It’s no problem Hubert’’ the professor responded, walking away after picking up his shield, not missing a beat, ‘’by the way, take him to the infirmary, please, thanks.’’  
Hubert watched eye twitching as the professor left. He simply sighed and walked away, frustrated at his failure.

‘’H-hello…? Is anyone there? It’s me… Ferdinand… Von Aegir…’’

/-/

It was his time to cook, he brought in his class to help, as a trust building exercise, to give them some time to develop bonds and to have some fun together, after all these are their golden years.

‘’Yeah right you just want to throw your workload on someone else’’ The annoying gremlin in his head added. It’s not like he was using his kids, he was just… Asking for help, and they kindly accepted, because they are all great kids, who respected him, adored his work, and feared the surprise pop quiz he promised if they refuse to help.

Really these kids spoiled him too much.

It was while he was distracted that he heard a familiar voice shouting ‘’Oops’’ and that was all the warning he had before looking around and seeing a knife headed straight between his eyes.  
He closed them fully expecting the headache of a lifetime, but nothing happened. ‘’You know, you’d be dead long ago without me’’ said the great, incredible and beautiful young lady in his head who had just saved his life.  
He opened his eyes to see the knife floating mere inches from his face, as time had stopped. ‘’thirty seconds, please.’’

‘’You need thirty seconds to parry a knife?’’

‘’Well that and I just realized I added too much seasoning’’

Sothis sighed as she activated her divine pulse.

/-/

‘’Oops’’ said Hubert, throwing the knife right at the back of the head of that annoying professor. At that angle, he expected the knife to either paralyze him for life if not kill him instantly, and he would of course admit to have it slipped, just a small tragic accident.  
What he did not expect was the professor turning around as if he already expected the knife, shouting ‘’WATCH AND LEARN’’ and parrying the knife with a wooden spoon, which flew right back at him and stabbed the wall next to his face, mere inches from his ear.

‘’I… I…’’

‘’Be more careful, Hubert.’’

‘’Yes, I am sorry professor,’’ he bowed ‘’it seems the knife slipped from my hands, they are pretty slippery from the food.’’

‘’Slipped? You threw the knife like a professional directly at the t-‘’ Caspar received a mouthful of whatever food Hubert found close by, cooked or not, to shut him up.

‘’As I was saying, it was a terrible accident, it won’t happen again.’’

‘’Don’t worry Hubert, do be careful however, someone might get hurt.’’

The emphasis in that last sentence made Hubert, in a cold sweat; look once again at the knife that almost cut off his ear.

/-/

It was another beautiful afternoon, Edelgard had invited him to drink some tea in the garden, and Byleth wasn’t one to refuse some relaxing tea time, which was too bad because she also invited Hubert, who, while smiling, was staring enough daggers at him to kill an enemy battalion.

‘’Ah, dear, I forgot the pastries I had saved up for this, I’ll go pick them up this very moment!’’ Edelgard got up and left, cheerfully walking away, glad with the pleasant time she was having.

‘’Do not worry, lady Edelgard,’’ said Hubert, his eyes not moving away from Byleth’s, in the world’s most intense stare contest, ‘’I’ll keep the professor company.’’

‘’How nice of you,’’ Byleth responded through clenched teeth.

From far away, the two seemed to be having a pleasant, relaxing chat, as they were both smiling and laughing cheerfully.  
If anyone could hear them, however…

‘’Snake’’

‘’Troglodyte’’

‘’Bastard’’

‘’Imbecile’’

‘’You look like a reptile pretending to be human and failing at it’’

‘’I’m surprised they allowed a savage like you to teach here when you probably can’t even write your own name‘’

‘’And I’m surprised they allowed you as a student considering you look like you’re in your forties and going through a midlife crisis’’

’’When I am through with you they will not find a body’’

’’And when I am through with you, they will, but scattered through Fódlan’’

Both chuckled pleasantly, however the tension in the air could be cut with a butter knife.  
As they prepared for another volley of insults, Edelgard returned with a tray of pastries, smiling from ear to ear, putting it on the table and taking her seat.

‘’I hope I didn’t take too long?’’ She asked, still without a care in the world.

Hubert looked at her and gave a small nod ‘’Not at all Lady Edelgard, me and the professor were just having a pleasant chat, isn’t that right?’’  
Byleth nodded, and took a small sip from his tea, as Hubert did the same.

It took Hubert exactly three seconds to notice something was wrong, and he realized the taste quick, going by how large his eyes grew. ‘’P-Professor did you…’’

‘’Oh right, I forgot, since you had yet to drink your tea, it seemed to have cooled down, so I traded it with mine, which was still warm. No need to thank me!’’ He responded, doing his best to keep his smile polite, but the smugness still managed to seep in.

‘’Oh, that’s very nice of you, professor!’’ Edelgard said, drinking her own cup of tea.

‘’Y-Yes, very, ‘’ Hubert finally responded, doing his best to quickly get up without looking desperate, ‘’If you two will excuse me I need to… Force gag reflexes.’’

As they watched him leave, Edelgard turned to Byleth with a small smile ‘’Forgive him, professor, he can be a bit odd sometimes, but Hubert always has my best intentions in mind, he is a great friend.’’ She took another sip, ‘’he seemed a bit upset over you making me take care of the stable duties this week, but I am glad you two seem to have managed to get over it.’’

Byleth’s smile was still struggling to remain polite as he took another sip of his tea.

‘’It’d be unprofessional of me otherwise.’’

/-/

Byleth finally arrived at his room after a long day of work, only to see Hubert sat on his study, arms crossed. He sighed.

‘’Alright Bert, what is it this time? Is my bed filled with scorpions? Is the room filled with poison gas? Did you cast an invisible spell on an assassin who will show up at random intervals in my daily routine to stab my genitals?’’

‘’No, no, and what the hell?’’

‘’Then what is it this time, be quick, I want to sleep.’’ Byleth responded, honestly sick of being constantly paranoid over his own shadow every five minutes

‘’ You see,’’ Hubert started, getting up from the chair ‘’I've seen that being subtle doesn't really work with you, as you are more paranoid than I thought.’’

‘’Yeah well you sure didn’t help with that.’’

‘’Seems so.’’ Hubert finished, his palms erupting into flames, ‘’So I figured I’d just murder you with some fireballs to the face.’’

Byleth sighed in relief, ‘’See, now THAT’S more like it. Also SHIT’’

That’s the last thing Byleth managed to say as he jumped through the still closed window, chased by several fireballs and an insane cackle.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a funny little idea I had in mind for a bit.  
Hubert threatening Byleth in their supports implied he actually believed he could kill the professor, but it's funny to think about how between Byleth's experience, strategic thinking and Sothis' powers, it'd be pretty dificult for Hubert to succeed with that.


End file.
